Unsung struggles of parenting an ADHD child

My son was only 9 months old when he started to walk. At birth, he had colic and wasn't satisfied just sitting; he had to be entertained, constantly. As first time parents my husband and I didn't think much of it, we just thought he was a needy baby. Now looking back, I realize that many of these traits are early indicators that your child may have ADHD. Please don't misunderstand, these things don't always indicate ADHD, but they can. It wasn't until a few months ago when we put our now four year old son in tee ball that we really realized the difference between him and other kids his age. While the other children were somewhat distracted (they are four year olds after all!) most of them at least grasped the concept of what was going on. They were distracted, but present. Our son, however, was just plain distracted. No matter how much coaching he received he never really seemed to grasp any of it. He just went through the motions as he was told to do. We saw a great difference between him and the kids around him. We saw him struggle with simple tasks and directions, though not for lack of trying or being obstinate. We quickly learned that his struggles, while they seemed so small, were monumental to him. We learned that life with him would be much different than we expected.

When I brought up this observation to his daycare provider she mentioned that she had wondered for a while if he might have ADHD. With his first year of school looming ahead my husband and I were faced with a decision: do we get him an official diagnosis before he starts school and give his teacher that information right away? Or do we give him a chance to figure it out and adjust to school on his own and see how he does? We ultimately decided to let him go into school as any other kid would, and see how he did. The first week or so went really well, but after that it was downhill. He was struggling with staying in his seat, finishing his school work, and communicating effectively with other kids, which resulted in him hitting out of frustration. At our first parent teacher conference the teacher let us know that he was "extra wiggly" and "had a very short attention span". She let us know that, while she wasn't a doctor, as his teacher she might recommend that we get him checked for ADHD. We trusted her opinion over that of many people around us. After all she works with children his age all day, year after year, and should have a good idea of what average is. After that, we had a consultation with a behavioral specialist who was able to officially diagnose him with ADHD, suggest some therapy for us, and give us a little more insight into our son's mind.

This is where life starts to get a lot more complicated. Now ADHD is more than just a wiggly kid, this is my child. My child, who is coming home from school crying because he's sad he got in trouble. My child, who wants so badly to be successful in school and please us, but sometimes he literally cannot help himself. His struggles in school were already so real. I recall one night he was particularly down, so I asked him what was wrong. After a little prodding he burst into tears and declared he didn't know how to be good while standing in line. Small things in school, like standing in line, that came as second nature to other kids were a very real struggle for him. We were faced with a new struggle of our own at this time: how do we punish him for things he fails to control due to his ADHD? His issue of standing in line often turn into him pushing the student in front of him, which would result in him getting sent home with a "red card". My husband and I were at a loss of how to handle this. We didn't want to punish him for something he couldn't help, but we also had to let him know that those actions weren't okay. So how do you punish a child for something they can't, or don't know how to, control? We have been walking this very thin, very complicated line. We have learned that it's important to let him know that his actions weren't okay, let him know that he handled his feelings poorly but don't always necessarily punish for his indiscretion.

After seeing his struggles in school we were faced with another hard decision; should we look in to medication or not? We had no idea where to even start with the option of medicating him or not. An internet search revealed there are a plethora of options on the matter. This created almost an over saturation of information, making a lot of good information hard to find. We initially were absolutely against medication. We would try any natural remedy in the book but we had all but closed the door on the option of medicating. But every natural remedy we tried fell flat. And once his struggles in school became more intense, we re-evaluated. Was it fair to him for us to deny him of something that might help him? Clearly he was struggling, and his struggles were very hard and very real to him, so why would we deny him the opportunity to clear some of that stress away? Before we had to parent a child with ADHD we thought that we would make a decision and that would be final, we never considered that something we were so sure of might not be the best decision. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that we didn't have a clear image of what was best for our child.

Upon our search for what was the best route for our son we discovered that many people don't take ADHD seriously. A staggering amount of people shame parents for having their kids diagnosed and/or medicated. They believe that the parent is just too lazy to deal with their children's behavior issues so they medicate them into submission. Some people take it as a joke, and think that ADHD is something to laugh about. Some people just plain don't believe ADHD is real. That is what cuts the deepest for me as a parent of an ADHD child. My child is struggling through real issues that are very hard for him, and my husband and I have struggled through decisions we have had to make regarding our sons care, and some people just write it off as fake or judge us as lazy parents. People are discrediting the hardships that our family has, and continue to, go through. They fail to see the very real struggles that are associated with ADHD. People need to understand that ADHD is indeed real, and is more than just a wiggly, spazzy child. It comes with real struggles, tears, and hurdles that other children and parents don't have to deal with. We could all benefit from being more understanding and compassionate to people who are going through a struggle that we might not understand.

For ADHD information, visit http://www.chadd.org/

ADHD part two

When I first approached Brandon with the idea that Ant might have ADD he laughed at me. But as I read him the article I had been reading and read off the signs and symptoms his face got more and more serious. By the time I was done all he said was "Well. That would explain a lot."

I called his pediatrician the next day and did a phone consultation with her. I explained my thoughts and some of his habits and she agreed that it sounds like he might have ADD. She referred us to a behavioral specialist who we meet with on the 20th. She's going to watch him for about an hour, do an evaluation of him and give her assessment. The part that I dread a little bit about going to the specialist is the whole matter of medicating. I have no interest in medicating him. If this specialist disagrees, we'll keep looking for one until we find one that supports alternative treatments. I don't want to turn him into a zombie baby. I love his personality, even if it is spacey and hyper, and I don't want to drug that away. Regardless of what the specialist says, ADD or not, I know that my baby has an issue with paying attention and I know that I have no interest in drugging him up. Nothing a specialist says is going to change either of those facts.

I want to take a natural route of treatment for him. I'm all ears for any vitamins, herbs, teas, or homeopathic treatments that have been shown to be helpful. Surprisingly, it's kinda hard to find specific information on the internet. I think its a combination of every kid is different and what works for one might not work for the other, and just an over saturation on the topic. You google ADD or ADHD and theres 10 zillion sites that pop up. I can't tell you how many times I've read an article that says "exercises at home and herbal treatments can be really effective" but never in any way tell what exercises to do at home, or what natural treatments to use. I've read a million times that these options are out there but its hard to find specifics about it.

After researching the few things that I have found we decided to start him on fish oil this week. The one we bought is specific for kids and has both Omega-3 and Omega-6. I'm going to start giving him chamomile tea at night to see if it helps him calm down. If it seems to work I'll send some to his daycare for days when he's really hyper. If that doesn't seem to work, we'll move on to something else until we find something that does work.

I'm really a little unsure where to go from here. Its all new to us. We'll meet with the specialist and see what s/he has to say. We'll learn exercises to do exercises with him at home that will improve his focus and we'll tell him to "walk not run" about 100,000 more times. But most of all we'll continue to love him, thank God for him, and let him know that he's perfect exactly how he is.

The day I suspected by baby has ADHD

I hesitate to throw that term out there - ADHD. It's so commonly tossed around these days. It's a joke for people to say they have ADD when they don't want to focus on something, and unfortunately it comes with a hefty dose of judgement on the parents. Especially parents of young kids. People want to think that you just cant handle your kid, or that you just want to drug them so you don't have to deal with them. I assure you, this is far from the case here.

Anthony has always been on the go. He was never the type of baby who could sit back and watch, he had to be entertained, constantly. He started crawling around 5 months, and walked at 9 months. He was on the go. He has always been a hyper kid, but I always thought that was just how kids his age were. He's a boy, I expect him to be hyper. But as he's gotten older and gotten into pre-school aged we've run into issues with his hyper activity and his lack of attention. There have been so many times where Brandon and I feel like we're banging our heads on the wall, repeating the same thing over and over and over (and over) again. We wondered if we were doing something wrong. We wondered if he had a hard time hearing us as a result of his ear surgery. We wondered and wondered and wondered. Anthony isn't a bad kid, at all. He's one of the sweetest, most loving kids ever. He just can't focus and the boy has energy for days. We have a long hallway in our house that he particularly loves to run down. I think I say the word "walk" about 10,000 times a day. We wondered and worried often that we were just doing something wrong, there had to be an easy solution to his listening issues. I'm not exaggerating when I say simply putting on his shoes can turn into a half hour ordeal.

Still, it never dawned on me that this might not be normal. He's a four year old boy, four year old boys are tough. I thought that we'd parent through this and we would all fall into sync and puppys would dance on rainbows and skittles would rain from the sky.

It wasn't until we put him in T-ball that we realized that he was different than other kids his age. While the other kids were focused, doing what the coach told them, running through the drills, Anthony was spinning in circles or just plain wandering around the field. All these other kids, the same age as him, seemed to have lightyears more attention than he did. It was his second practice, when Anthony was put on a cone at shortstop to show where he should be standing and wandered off, ending up over by home plate that I laughed in my head "I swear it looks like he has ADD!" Then a light went on. "What if he does.." I immediately took to my phone and started googling and let me tell you, it was like these websites were describing him personally. Endless talking, seemingly endless energy, trouble finishing a task, quick temper, ect ect. It was him. To a tee.

Later that night I read more. I cried out of a mixture of guilt for not seeing it sooner, fear for the trouble he might have later in life, and honestly.. relief. It explained so much.

To be continued, because this is going to be long winded.

I'm still here! Consolidated update

I'm alive! I know I haven't written in a month but I just plain didn't feel like it. My life has been kind of all over the place and I just haven't had the urge to write. I'm not even sure where to start with all of it.

Early in December Anthony had ear surgery. Two years prior to that (almost exactly two years to the day) he had ear surgery to put in tubes because he got frequent ear infections. The tube in his right ear never fell out,  and actually turned sideways blocking the drainage. We gave it a few months to try to allow it to fall out on its own but it didn't happen. So the dr went in and took it out. Easy peasy. He seems to be doing better and has a follow up appointment with his ENT specialist tomorrow.

Christmas was hectic and wonderful as usual. The kids were spoiled rotten, my husband spoiled me rotten and I got him a few small things then two worthless pieces of paper that I paid $200 for. I got him hockey tickets but thanks to the lockout, the game I got the tickets to got officially cancelled just a few days before Christmas. So basically I owe him a Christmas present still.

Our new years was pretty uneventful. My mom took my kids and we went to a friends house where I drank a little too much and had a headache the next day. Happy New Year!

The least fun thing I have to update on is my own surgery. The day before Halloween I went into my OB/GYN for my annual pap. I was shocked when two weeks later he called me to tell me it came back abnormal. They reassured me on the phone that it was "barely abnormal" and "just above average" and they were sure it was nothing, but they scheduled me to come in three weeks later for a biopsy anyway, "just to be safe." I was confused and scared because just one year prior was when I had Noah and had my post baby exam that showed nothing, so how could something happen so quickly? And honestly, that question still lingers, we still have no idea how it all moved so fast. I went in for my biopsy as scheduled and exactly one week later I got a call from my doctor saying that the biopsy "came back more abnormal than the pap did" and that I had high-grade moderate dysplasia. That means I had pre-cancerous cells growing on my cervix that needed to be surgically removed. If you have low grade, mild dysplasia normally the plan of action is to just watch and let the body correct the issue itself, but mine was high grade, moderate which meant that the cells needed to be removed before they turned into cancer. So we scheduled it then and I had my surgery on Jan 10th. During the surgery they took more cells from deeper inside the cervix to ensure that there weren't more cell and that they weren't further progressed than the biopsy showed. I go in to read the pathology report and get my post-op exam this Thursday.

So 2012 ended and 2013 began with a little bit of health issues but I have full confidence in both my doctor and in Anthony's doctor that everything was taken care of and settled in both our surgeries. I'm ready to put it all behind us and move forward.

Moving forward for me means more school, and working on my photography. God willing and hard work put in I should be done with school in about a year and a half at the most. I realize I'm behind about 90% of my high school graduating class in getting my degree, but I figure better late than never, right? Then I got a gracious offer from a talented friend to build a website for me and my photography and I may take her up on it. (IF the offer still stands, that is. ;) We'll swap, pictures for a website!) I've been taking some pictures for friends and family, trying to build up a portfolio basically. I really need to decide how serious about it I want to be basically. I would love to go full speed ahead and try to launch a whole business but I don't know how realistic that is. First of all, the market for photographers in San Diego is pretty saturated, and I feel like no matter how much effort I put out I'll still be just part of the crowd. Second of all its not like time is on my side, in a sense that.. I don't have any. I would only be able to shoot on weekends and even then I would be sacrificing time with my family (Which is something I don't get a ton of) to do these shoots. So I think the plan right now is just to get the website built, get my portfolio built by offering cheap shoots at work and photographing friends and family and just basically do it on the side. If I seem to catch attention and business comes in, then I'll think about getting more serious about it. If not, then I'll just keep taking pictures of my family and whoever happens to ask.

A life secret.

I know that everyone wants to talk about this tragedy in Conneticut but I just can't. My heart just hurts too bad. So instead, i'm gonna tell you guys a secret. A life secret. It's something I learned a few years ago that has made me a substantially happier person. I'm not trying to say I have life figured out because believe me sister, I don't. I'm just saying that with this one, little secret that I learned I have become a far more relaxed, happy, and less high strung person. You ready for it?

Learn to accept help. Like, really accept it. Don't go out seeking help (unless you really need it!) and pawn everything off on other people, but if someone offers to do something small to help you out, say yes! If you ask yourself "why not?" and cant come up with a legitimate answer why you shouldn't let this person help within about 5 seconds, tell them yes. But first you have to realize that accepting help comes in different forms.

When my husband and I first started dating we were very young and I was just starting to find myself as an adult. In that journey I learned that adult me likes my house clean. So I would clean our house, and I would get mad that he wasn't helping. So I would make him help. Then I would get mad that he did it "wrong." Then I would go behind him and re-clean everything he just cleaned, all while getting even more mad that he did it wrong and I had to clean it anyway. After a while he saw that I would just go re-clean everything he cleaned so he stopped cleaning. Why clean something if someone else is going to? So I would get mad all over again that he wasn't helping. It was a lose/lose. If he cleaned, I was mad he didn't do it  my way, if he didn't clean I was mad he wasn't helping. I wanted his help but I wouldn't accept it.  I couldn't accept that his way of cleaning was good enough when in reality, it was just fine.

No, he may not have wiped down the sink after he was done doing dishes, but those water spots weren't going to kill anyone were they? The dishes were done weren't they?  He may have missed a spot vacuuming but I'm pretty sure that one little triangle of carpet didn't contain the plague, and we'd all be just fine.  This one definitely took some time, but I eventually learned that I my way is not the only way, and that I don't have to be the one to do everything in order for it to be done "right." This applies to other areas too, not just cleaning. Parenting, driving, cooking... everything. I let him do things and we are a partnership. Not only has this relieved stress for me by not feeling like I need to do it all and being bitter that I'm the only one working, but it's relieved stress on our relationship too. We don't fight about me not having help and doing everything alone because I allow him to help, I don't push it away saying it's not good enough or not "right."

Another way to accept help is to just plain accept it. Let people help. This is still a work in progress for me. When I was slammed busy trying to get everything ready for Anthony's birthday party my mom offered to help. My knee jerk reaction was to tell her no, but thank you. Then I thought about it for a minute, why not? What in the world was so bad about me letting her help assemble some of the things I had made? Why would I say no? Pride? So I went back and told her that I actually could use her help. And you know what? She ended up staying late that night helping me, I would never have gotten everything done in time without her help.  I have a surgery coming up in a few weeks and I have no idea how long I will be down afterwards. My sister offered to make a few meals for my family and I, so I could relax and recover and Brandon wouldn't have to add "cooking dinner" to the list of things he'll already be handling by himself while I'm down. Again, my reaction was to say no. But why? Because I want to be super mom and not let someone else take care of my family? I thought about it for a few minutes and again went back and said actually, yes. Now that's one less thing I have to worry about during my recovery. I know my family and I will eat well (and not fast food) and my husband wont be stressing about making or buying meals.

Next time someone offers help and your reaction is to say no stop for a minute and ask yourself why you're actually saying no. Is it pride? Do you really actually have any reason at all to say no? If you don't have a reason, then just say yes! You can do it, I know you can. Next time your husband cleans the kitchen and leaves streaks on the countertop, just take a breath, walk away, and go kiss him and tell him thank you for the help. It's amazing how much stress you can relieve by just accepting a little bit of help.

Fall/Winter pictures

It's the time of year for Christmas cards and family pictures! Because nothing says I love you quite like giving someone pictures of yourself, right? The concept of pictures in/on Christmas cards is a little bit lost on me, except for when given to family members that rarely see you or your kids. But its a "thing" and my family all seem to love it, so we divulge and we took our Christmas pictures this past weekend.

We went up to a really pretty park. It has a railroad track running through it and has a ton of seasonal trees that give off a lot of leaves. It photographs really well. Well enough that there were about ten other families there taking family pictures the same time we were. I wish I was kidding or exaggerating, but I'm not. There was a lot of "watch out, we're gonna be in the background of these peoples pictures" or "just a sec there's someone in the background." But luckily everyone knew what everyone else was trying to do and was mostly courteous about trying to stay out of each others way.

I love photographing my family. In my completely unbiased opinion, my boys are pretty freakin cute and easy to photograph so its fun. The downside of it is that I'm never in any of the pictures. I have about 486,542,878 pictures of my boys together and my husband with them but about 20 of me and the boys and like 3 of the four of us together. I used the self timer to jump in a few of them, but I look a little beat from first taking pictures and the toddler chasing that entails, and then from running to try to beat the timer and get "posed" in time.

The shots I got of the boys were pretty good. I was really sad though, I got some really really cute ones of the two of them when we first got there, only to realize my 1yr old who was trying to play with my camera the night before had switched me from auto focus to manual focus and all of my favorite ones were not in focus. I was able to get a few that were in focus but the boys were over that spot so we had to move on. Sad me. Our day ended early when Anthony got stung by a bee and was in no mood to continue taking pictures. Through the timer beating, the bee stinging, and the manual focus I was able to get some really cute shots. So now, I share them!

This was my favorite spot, that was first out of focus then the boys were over it. As Anthony is demonstrating here.
 

 

 

Hey look! I'm in one! Messy hair and all.

 

After posting these an old friend from high school contacted me about taking some pictures for her family. So not this coming weekend, but the following I'll be taking pictures of someone elses family for the first time! Wish me luck!

Anthony's birthday

I have so much to write about. But true to the name of my blog, life has just been getting in the way and I really haven't had time. I have to write about my first time ever hosting Thanksgiving, I have to write about Anthony needing ear surgery, I have to write about Christmas, I have plenty I need to dump on you guys, because I know you just love reading about it.

I'll start with Anthony's birthday. My little, tiny, newborn baby turned four years old last Monday!! Can you believe that?! As you know, I decided I'd be Martha Stewart and make everything. For some reason. Shockingly, (even I was surprised) I managed to get everything done. Every single thing I told myself I would make, I did. The week leading up to his birthday party held quite a few late night crafting sessions but it got done. So I win.



Her beer is in a wine glass so she could feel fancy.
I had actual wine, because I AM fancy.

It started with the happy birthday banner. I downloaded this font called Batfont and used that for the letters of the banner. I bought some black poster board, some grey card stock and some yellow scrap book paper that had small yellow dots, sort of resembling comic book dots. I cut out the letters, glued them to the grey paper then cut the grey paper to the same shape as the letter. Then glued the letter onto a piece of the yellow paper that had been cut into round edged squares. Then glued all of that onto the black card stock, which was then cut into squares with pointy "bat ear" type edges. So each letter meant four pieces of paper that had to be cut, shaped and glued together. There are 13 letters in the phrase "happy birthday" and 4 pieces of paper per letter meant 52 pieces of paper that had to be cut, shaped and glued, plus two more for the center bat signal, giving a grand total of 54. Then they had to be tied together with ribbon, that had to be cut. Thankfully I had help. I bribed a friend with promises of beer to come help me cut out letters and my mom cut the ribbon and tied it all together.

We started essentially the same way on the center pieces. I went and got pictures of Batman in action off the internet. Got a few bat signals, got a logo, and printed the number 4 in the batfont and we got to cutting and pasting and more cutting and pasting. In my inspiration for the centerpieces, the lady used small plant pots that she had painted black. I didn't care much for that idea so I got some glass bowls from the dollar tree and painted them black. Then I shaped some of that awful green foam stuff that made a giant mess and stuffed that into the glass bowls. I glued the characters onto skewers and stuck the skewers into the foam. Ta-da! Centerpieces.

The cake was my biggest fear. I decided, similar to how I did with making the skirt, that even though I had never in my life worked with fondant, that I was going to make Anthony's cake. I wanted to lay yellow fondant over the
cake, have a black bat signal in the middle, and have a city along the side. I planned on using pound cake, because fondant is heavy and can make a normal cake sink. But for some reason when I cooked the pound cake it didn't rise enough and it came out hard, so it went into the trash. THANK GOODNESS I had a box of chocolate cake mix in my cupboard. Yep. I cheated and used cake mix but there was no way in hell I was going to have enough time to make ANOTHER cake (because cake #1 was now in the trash)  if I made it from scratch. I mentioned that I was more afraid of laying the yellow fondant than I was of making the bat signal, remember? I was wrong. Laying the yellow was SO easy. All I did was roll it out and kept rolling until it was smooth and mostly even then layed it on the cake. Smoothed it out, cut off the excess and BAM. Done. My plan for the bat signal went wrong though when I forgot to print out a template, so I was trying to form the batsignal by hand. When its 1am and you've been baking and forming fondant since 6pm concentration isn't really your strong suit. I fought it trying to form a batsignal for about an hour until I gave up. I had one mediocre one that I would use in the event that I couldn't get one done in the morning. First thing in the morning I asked Brandon to try his hand at it. I was ridiculously tired (remember that whole 1am thing??) and was really in no mood to fight with it again and somehow he got it done on like his second try. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't clean, it was missing two dip thingys on the bottom, but it looked like a bat signal and that was good enough for me. My city on the side also didn't have windows because I ran out of time and wasn't going to stay up until 2am just so I could cut little tiny yellow squares. My Gotham City doesn't have windows, deal with it.

The cupcakes were far easier than the cake was. I bought a bat signal shaped cookie cutter online, and used that to cut little tiny bat signals out of the black fondant. Then I frosted the cupcakes with plain cream cheese frosting mixed with yellow food coloring, then plopped those little black fondant bat signals on there. Those were probably the easiest thing I made.

I'm one of those really annoying people that likes to incorporate the theme into EVERYTHING. Can you tell? Well I had to have my food themed too. I used my bat signal cookie cutter to cut cheese into bat cheeses, which were layed out with crackers. We had a block of gouda that was named "Ra's Al Gouda" after the bad guy Ra's Al Goul. We had some jokers laughing gas juice, which was just some green kiwi strawberry juice. We had "Two Face's Coins" which was these Oreos that are chocolate cookie on one side and white cookie on the other. I didn't even know that Oreo made such a product, but it was totally perfect for what I needed. I had some goldfish that were "Penguin's fishy friends" that one was totally a stretch, I just needed some more bad guy themed food! I really wanted to have out some bugles and call them cat woman claws but apparently those hard to come by. Until you don't need them anymore, then you see them everywhere.

All in all the party made me seriously sleep deprived but it was awesome. It was definitely a success. Anthony loved it, everyone had fun. Everyone ate. Everyone was happy. I couldn't bring myself to throw away the banner or the centerpieces. Anyone want them??

Let me finish by saying happy birthday to my favorite Anthony on earth. I was only 21 when I found out he was coming but he couldn't have come at a better time. My life has changed so much and I don't know where I would be without him. He taught me what it really is to live and love, and how valuable life is. Thank you so much little man, for making me grow up and for giving my life meaning.



I found out I have a laminating machine at work and MAY have gone overboard laminating the food labels.

Taking a leap?

Photography has been something I have always really enjoyed and appreciated. A few years ago I bought a DSLR camera and for years I simply used the camera on auto and was confused as to why the pictures weren't awesome like other people's photos were. Hesitantly I will admit I gave up. I basically stopped using my camera and it sat in my hall closet like a really expensive paper weight. Until about a year ago, I decided I wanted to dust it off and make an effort to actually learn how to use it. How novel, right?

I am no where near a professional photographer, and really, I'm not sure I ever really need to reach that level. I really have no desire to shoot in manual. But I like to think that I can take some decent pictures of my kids. Over the last year my skills have come leaps and bounds from where they were.

While I've always loved and appreciated photography I don't think there was ever a time in my life when I wanted to be a photographer. I've always wanted to be able to take amazing photos, just not necessarily as my career.

Now that being said, let me contradict myself. I'm thinking of offering up some family/kids photos to some of the families at work. Why? I don't know. To make a little extra money? (I mean a little. I would be charging next to nothing, since I'm not actually a photographer) To prove that I can? To see IF I can? To take photos of someone other than my kids? Or maybe deep down in there some part of me does want to do this and wants to see if I can. Who knows.

Now, Please be honest. Post your comments anonymously if you feel you must, but please look at some of these photos and tell me if they're something you would pay for.

<edited to add> I noticed some snarky comments on facebook after posting this and even though I don't know this person, it was still upsetting. It's hard for someone to completely open themselves up like this. So if you have some criticism at least make it constructive.

Cake Bossery and other craftyness

Have you ever watched a show so much that you think you can now do whatever it is you've seen on the show? Like if you watch a marathon of CSI you think you could go out and solve a few crimes? Watch some Deadliest Catch and you think you can go out and crab fish? Well I used to watch a lot of Cake Boss. Don't ask me why, but I did. They make that shiz look easy. Fondant people? No problem. Buttercream roses? Childs play.  I don't know why, but I seem to think that I have magically become a pastry chef via Cake Boss.



This is the cake I will be attempting. Attempting.

This coming up week, I'll put my cake bossery to the test. Anthony's birthday party is next weekend and I have given myself the task of making his cake. Really, in the world of fondant and cake making it's easy. Easy...relatively speaking. You see, no matter how much I've watched Sir Cake Boss work with fondant, I myself have never done it. Looks easy enough, right? Mix it, kneed it, flatten it, lay it out right??? Sure.....

We'll see if next week I post a picture of a pile of fondant on the floor, wet from my tears. The bat signal and city are the least scary parts. Its the laying of the yellow across the cake that scares me the most. I need to spend some time on google, finding some tips, pointers and tricks to try to ease the process. Who knows, maybe i'll do this and find out I have some hidden cake making talent. Yeah, that's totally what's going to happen.



The listing can be found here

Because I have so much time on my hands, I also took on the task of making the "Happy Birthday" banner, the center pieces and cupcakes for those who don't get to enjoy the batcake. I got my inspiration for these from Etsy, so as to not be disrespectful towards this person who is trying to make a living, I'll post the link to the listing with the picture.  My center pieces will be similar, but with no blue. We're doing black, grey, and yellow.  The banner will be pretty much the same colors/theme.

We'll see how it all turns out! It's going to be a lot of time that I don't really have, and a lot of work but I'm excited to try it all out. Stay tuned to see how it goes, my crafts are usually way better in theory than they are in reality so it will be interesting!

Halloween!

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Hands down. I love Christmas, I love Thanksgiving (really, who doesn't??) But there's just something about Halloween that I LOVE. I love the spooky, creepy, scarys. Its my thing. I was beyond excited when we moved into our new house earlier this month and were told by multiple neightbors that Halloween was a big deal around there. We found out on Halloween...they weren't kidding.

Brandon and I left work at noon and after a quick stop at the dentist (I got to have a root canal on Halloween, lucky me!) we were home getting everything ready for the night! My mom, my sister and her kids came over to join in the festivities. We set up the driveway with some chairs, the fire pit, and a cauldron full of dry ice. My brother in law stayed behind and passed out candy while we took the kids out to trick or treat.

Seriously it's been a dream of mine to live in a neighborhood like that. I enjoyed every second of not having to drive anywhere and of being able to host my family for my favorite holiday. Unfortunately all I took was a few pictures on my phone, but you can see how cute my boys are!

Noah was Hulk baby!

Anthony was a super studly superman!

He decided that Superman needed a mask, I dont know why. He INSISTED.

My trick or treating babies!

Brandon and I were the bad wolf and dead red riding hood. See? Im dead cause the wolf got me....get it???

Red riding hood needs to invest in an iron.

Our set up in the driveway

All that candy and we still ran out. We started handing out Noahs trick or treating candy haha

We were THAT family

So remember how I dropped a little mension of an accident at Disneyland in my post about my week off work? Let me elaborate. Let me welcome you into the bubble of horror and embarassment that I got to experience.

Anthony is 3.5 years old, he will be four in November. He has been potty trained since he was just over two years old. So we're goin on two years of potty training here. His butt hasn't touched a diaper in almost two years. I haven't had to deal with an accident or carry a change of clothes with me for a very long time.

The drive from my house to Disneyland is around two hours. Give or take, depending on traffic. This particular trip to Disneyland we decided to make quicker by eating breakfast in the car, rather than stopping. So Anthony ate and drank on the way there.

When we got there I saw that one of the most popular rides, Peter Pan, had only a ten minute wait (as oppose to its normal 40min wait). So I jumped on the opportunity and rushed us all into the line. After we got off Peter Pan I noticed that Dumbo also had a short line, which is not usually the case. So I ran us over to Dumbo to jump in line, forgetting the fact that we had eaten and drinken on the way up here and had yet to make a bathroom stop.

So there we are, standing in line for Dumbo, minding our own business, when Anthony starts dancing a little and tells me he has to go potty. We were next in line so I ask him "Do you have to go now or can you hold it until the end of the ride?" and almost immediately after I finished my question it happened. The most embarassing Disneyland moment of my life. He just started peeing. Right there in line for Dumbo. Peeing. Down his leg. On his shoes. Peeing. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't pick him up mid-pee, I couldn't make it stop, I couldn't do anything! All I could do was stand there in shock and horror, and watch my child pee himself in the middle of the line, in the middle of Disneyland.

We hung our heads low and when our turn came up, we let the line operator know we had had an accident and needed to get through. We rushed to the bathroom where I stuffed Anthony in a stall (that I could see from the sinks) and washed off his shorts and sandals in the sink. I got some looks of "wth are you doing?!" from some moms. I got ingored by some moms. But mostly I got looks of pity. Looks of "I see what you're doing there.. I've been there too" Which was oddly comforting.

Luckily for Anthony it was knockin on 100 degrees that day so his shorts were dry in less than a half hour. His shame was quickly dried away and soon there was no evidence of it. Also luckily for him, he's three and was at Disneyland so he didn't give two shits about the fact that his pants were wet, or that he peed himself in front of everyone, he was just happy we were there. Oh, to be three again.

That one week I spoiled my kids

Last week the owner/operator of our daycare (who also happens to be my sister) took a vacation, leaving the daycare closed. A closed daycare meant no other means of childcare for me, which ended up resulting in me taking a week off of work. It didn't take much convincing to get me to take the time off.

I work, a lot. I drive a lot to get to and from work. I don't get a lot of time with my kids. So when I saw an entire week of time off just me and my boys, I pounced on the opportunity to go do fun stuff. Not only did I want to spend some time doing fun stuff with my boys, I also didn't want to stay in the house all week long with a bored 1 and 3yr old. That does not equal a fun time for mom or boys. So I made a little bit of a game plan and my boys and I got to have a seriously awesome week.

Our first stop of the week was to the happiest place on earth... that's right... we went to DISNEYLAND! We have annual passes so this really isn't that huge of a deal, we go about 8 times a year. But our passes are blacked out during the summer and this was the first week they were valid again, so after a summer of no Disneyland Anthony and I were pretty stoked to go. Last time Noah went he was about 6 weeks old (yes, I took a 6wk old to Disneyland, judge me!). The last two times we went we left Noah with Grandma so this was really going to be the first time Noah could experience any rides. It was....underwhelming? haha! He didn't really seem to care about any of the rides. The only two he had any reaction to were Small World, he danced and seemed to enjoy it! And Pirates of the Caribbean, where he had a death grip around my neck, whining... he hated it. Maybe next time he'll go to Grandmas again. Anthony had a great trip! Other than an accident on the Dumbo ride, (upcoming post for that!) it was an awesome day.

Getting ready to go on our first ride of the day: Peter Pan

Anthony and I on the rockets

Noah and I on Dumbo

Our next stop of the week was to the New Children's Museum. I had heard good things about this place but once we got there it was seriously awesome. We spent over three hours there without even realizing how long we had been there. Everything is child friendly (duh) and interactive. They have crafts and painting, building blocks, bubble blowing, a real car that the kids could paint, and best of all a giant bouncy tube thingy!

Painting the car! The color of the day was red. Clearly.

Looking like Dexter after painting

Noah playin drums

My little men!

Inflatable tuby thingy!

Playing on the giant love sack thing

Anthonoy rockin the rock wall!

Next stop on our tour de awesome was up to Grandmas house in Oceanside. We needed to escape the East county heat and where better to go than the beach!? So we made the trip up to Oceanside and made our way down to the beach. We enjoyed ourselves so much up in Oceanside we ended up staying two nights up there and making a couple trips to the beach!

Beach baby. He LOVED it at the beach

Beach baby 2.0

My boys and I out to lunch at my favorite restaurant in Oceanside - Cafe 101

After we packed up and finally left Grandma alone, we headed out to the San Diego Zoo to meet some friends who were in from out of town. The zoo is always a good day! But unfortunately we didn't take many pictures.

hippo sittin!

We left the zoo and went straight to a birthday party, fully equipped with a bounce house and cake! What more could a kid ask for!? The next day, my final day off work we spent at Grandpa's house, swimming, snacking, and relaxing.

It was a very busy. very exhausting, but awesomely fun week. I would do it all over again in an instant. I had so much fun getting to spend some good time with my boys, time like that is so rare in our house. They really enjoyed it too, they both definitely had a look of WTH this morning when I dropped them off at daycare rather than whisking them off to the next fun adventure.

Mommy guilt

A common fear among moms getting ready to make the transition from one kid to two is that they're worried about how much love they'll have for their second kid.  They don't know how they could share the love that they have for their first child. They quickly learn that you don't share, you grow. Your love for #2 is just as big and strong as your love for #1, it doesn't get divided, it grows. What they don't tell you though, is that your time doesn't grow with your family. You still have the same amount of time to spend with your kids, but now instead of one kid needing nurturing and wanting your undivided attention, you have two.

I have been going through a pretty hefty bout of mommy guilt lately, feeling like I don't spend enough time with my kids. We're gone 11 hours a day at work/commuting. When I get home from work I'm pretty much making a dash to the kitchen to get dinner started. If I'm lucky and dinner cooks quickly I can spend some time with them after dinner. Then its bath time then bedtime. On weekdays I get around 2 hours a day with my kids. TWO HOURS. Our weekends are then filled with running errands, grocery shopping, and cleaning. I don't spend nearly enough time actually with my kids, rather than just in their general vicinity.

So whats the solution? I wish I knew. We may have the option to move closer to work in a few years, but until Anthony is in school and we aren't paying for two full time daycare spots that just wont be financially feasible. Quit my job? Also preeeety far from realistic.  Create more hours in the day? Yes, that sounds good, lets do that.

People don't warn you about the mommy guilt of working and having multiple children. But that's life, I suppose. Their daycare is closed for a week later this month and I'll be taking the week off to be with them. Hopefully that will put the guilt at ease for a while.

Is anyone else feeling mommy guilt lately about something?

I may have lost it.

My life is pretty busy. I wake up at 5am, scramble to get myself and my boys dressed, ready and dropped off at daycare, commute 40 minutes to work where I proceed to spend 9 hours, then commute another 40 minutes back home. Once home I usually stand in the kitchen in my work clothes and toss together some sort of dinner, hoping we can sit down and eat before 7pm. After dinner is a whirlwind of baths, showers, and stories that usually results in me not getting into bed until about 9:30pm. I manage to get my schoolwork done during slow times at work, which is really the only reason I'm able to be in school at all. I seem to have a routine worked out so I can cram it all into one day. It's madness, but it works.

So what do all sane people do when they have a routine that works? Change it, of course. I decided that another two years of school was just a little too daunting for me. You see, I was late to start college. I thought after high school that I was just too cool for school, but it turns out that I'm really not. So basically I did a little research and found that my last two general education classes and my first few major specific classes are available online at a local community college. I can take them concurrently with my current classes and transfer the credits, speeding the process up a little bit. Then in light of some issues my school seems to be having, I think I've decided to transfer to National University, which is on a 4 week per class accelerated schedule. So basically I'm going to speed up the planned classes, then add two more classes per semester on top of them. Normal, right? Right. The end result though, is that I should be finished with school in just over a year, effectively cutting my time nearly in half. I'm hoping that seeing the growing light at the end of the tunnel will be the motivation I need to keep holding on to this crazy train. Sleep is overrated anyway, right?

Top three reasons I felt old at the mall

On Friday my boss decided to be oh so generous and send me home at 2:30. Normally I would be excited at such a thing, but you see, my husband and I live about 40 minutes from work so we carpool. There was no way I was driving home, sitting for an hour then coming back to get him. There's a mall about 5 minutes away so I thought "Hey! What better way to kill a couple hours? I'll go cruise the mall!" Mistake. You see my friends, I am not all that young anymore and the stores in the mall were just a cruel reminder of that. Lets go over the top three reasons I felt ancient at the mall. We'll do it countdown style.

3. The music. Holy crap the music. I cannot stand this new dub step, techno crap trend right now. All it is, is a never ending, insufferable beat that just never ever ever stops. And so. effing. loud. God forbid you try to carry on a conversation over it. I'd rather shove jelly beans in my ears than listen to another minute of that shit.

2. The clothes.  I will readily admit that I don't shop often. I have other things to spend my money on. Like kids. I know there are some trends that I'm just not on board with, but I guess I didn't realize how far from being trendy I am anymore. Why are these shirts so short and wide?? What an unflattering shape! Are those high wasted spandex shorts? How is that even comfortable? Is this a shirt or a skirt? Is that a unitard? Are those back in style?? I felt so lost in a sea of horrible clothes.

and the number one reason I felt old at the mall....

1. I kept wishing I had gone to Target. And not just because my chapstick had run out and I needed more badly. I mean, the clothes at Target make sense. The music at Target isn't ear piercing.  I could have gotten chapstick and cruised around the home section looking at stuff I want to buy for my house. Or looked through the little kids section and probably bought things my boys didn't need but would have looked so cute in. I could have gotten a few magazines and some goldfish and hung out on the lawn furniture. That would have been a good way to kill some time.


Lets just say I was more than a little relieved to get an invitation to happy hour so I had a legitimate excuse to leave. So now I know. While my drivers license may say I'm not that old, I'm really not that young. Next time I get sent home early I'm high tailing to Target. There's even a Marshalls across the street if I feel like gettin crazy.

The mommy conundrum

As moms a lot is expected of us. I don't just mean that we're expected to hold down a full time job, cook, clean, change diapers, fight bad guys, and still look decent. I mean, once you become a mom, there's a long list of things that you aren't really "allowed" to do anymore, on top of you trying to figure out who you are now.

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Anthony. Not obscenely young, but still pretty young to be a parent. Before I got pregnant I was living like a young, wild, free adult. I didn't have a whole lot of responsibilities other than a job, and my life reflected that. There was a point in time where I'm pretty sure I lived solely off of wine and tater tots.

But when I became a mom, it all changed. I couldn't be out all night drinking and dancing, I couldn't wear provocative clothing, I couldn't drink wine for dinner. I had to be responsible and modest, because that's what moms are "supposed to do" and I wanted to be a good mom. Moms are judged pretty harshly sometimes. If you see someone you know is a mom out drinking or dancing your first thought is usually "doesn't she have a kid??" Like moms aren't allowed to be out anymore, ever. How dare she!
I cant speak for every mom, but I know on the occasion that I do go out, I feel like I have to defend myself. I find myself feeling like I need to tell people that I don't do this often, or that its for a special occasion, or that I left after my kids went to bed so they don't even know I'm gone. We aren't allowed to be out anymore.

Now I'm not saying I want to spend every night out and live the way I used to. If I wanted to, I would. I love my time with my kids and husband and I prefer to be with them. What I'm saying is that once a young woman becomes a mom shes met with a great challenge. On top of learning how to be a parent, she has to re-learn how to be her. When you've lived a certain way for so long, then all of a sudden have to change it you're met with a certain identity crisis. You don't know who you are anymore. You used to be carefree and fun, you used to spend your days and weekends a certain way and now its all different. A lot of new moms feel boring and like they've lost who they used to be. It's incredibly difficult to find a balance between who you used to be, who you are now, and who you're expected to be.

We moms have to find a balance between loving our kids and devoting ourselves 100% to them, and remembering ourselves too. We're often left grasping at straws of our former selves, trying to keep hold of something. What seems to make it worse is that, even though almost all moms go through it, no one wants to talk about. No one wants to admit that they miss their old self, or that they're lost. It's almost like if a mom admits she misses her old life that automatically means she doesn't like her current life. Why can't you love your kids and miss old times at the same time? Your lost in limbo between mom and young adult and you aren't sure where you land. Why can't we openly admit this without being judged?

Yes, sometimes I miss going out and having late nights. I miss weekend naps during the day. I miss listening to whatever music I wanted or watching whatever show I wanted and not having to worry about the language or content of it. I miss being able to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night without stepping on an alligator xylophone. I miss having wine and tater tots for dinner. Does that mean I want that life back? No. I wouldn't trade this life I have now for anything in the world.

I guess my point is lets be more open with each other and slower to judge. To the new moms: know that it gets better. As time goes on you'll find yourself again. No, it wont be the same self it was before, but be assured you wont always feel this lost. And seasoned moms: if you know a newer mom who seems a little lost, instead of judging, give her a hug and tell her it gets better. Tell her you went through it too. Tell her its normal. Swap stories and maybe even plan a moms night out!

And if you aren't a mom: remember that sometimes moms need a break!

Battle of the births

I had a much more fun, crafty and organizational post written for today but it can sit in drafts for a little bit longer because I'm irritated. This is probably brought on from the fact that I know about 15 pregnant women right now so I've seen this conversation quite a few times lately.

I'm so sick of mothers who chose to birth in a hospital, using an epidural, being criticized and demeaned for their decisions.

The biggest, biggest frustration is when someone says they're a "real woman" for giving birth naturally. Last time I checked the epidural didn't remove my vagina, boobs, or any reproductive organs. I believe I'm still just as much of a woman as you are. Is a man any less of a man because he takes tylenol for a headache? No. Is a man any less of a man for taking vicodin after a surgery or a bad accident? No. So why am I less of a woman for taking pain medication during one of the most painful experiences on earth? Just because you chose/are choosing not to?

Just because I chose to go to a hospital and chose to use an epidural does not mean that my birth experience was somehow less meaningful, powerful, or special than yours was. I labored for 6 hours unmedicated (out of a 8 hour total labor) with Anthony and I was completely, utterly miserable. Then, I made everyone around me miserable. I was scared, pissed, and stressed about how much pain I was in. I was snapping at everyone, all my loved ones who came to support me, yelling at them to shut the hell up so I could focus on trying to manage the pain. Does that sound beautiful and peaceful? No, it was fucking awful. And Anthony was reflecting my stress. After I finally got the epidural I was calm and at ease. I was able to carry on conversations and allow the people there for me to do what they had come for, to support me and assure me that everything was going to be fine. And Anthony reflected my peace. He was born vaginally when I was ready for him, I was never pressured to rush my birth or deviate from my birth plan. The hospital listened to my wishes and always responded. Now please tell me what is so bad about that?

With Noah it was even better. I went in knowing what to expect and got the epidural around 5cm because I knew what was coming. I never got to the point of being miserable and making everyone around me miserable. My entire process of birth with Noah was completely peaceful. I was laughing and joking, having a down right good time during my labor. What about being happy and laughing during labor is bad for the baby?

In neither birth was I "out of it" from my epidural and unable to respond to, bond with or hold my babies. I was very aware of what was going on and felt just as much love and joy when I met my boys for the first time as anyone else. And my both of my boys were born responsive and not "drugged out."

People who criticize medicated hospital births always site these horror stories. Saying how your baby will be drugged out when he/she is born and you will be unresponsive because you will also be so drugged out that you wont be able to tell whats going on and your baby wont bond with you and you wont be able to breastfeed. Such sensationalism. Lets just take the absolute worst case scenario, something that happens to 1 in 1,000,000 women (not a real stat) and say it happens to everyone. Lets scare people into making the decisions that WE think are right.

So please, think before you judge.